Why do we mess each other up so badly?
Mr. messed up- what did you do today swee pea?
Miss. messed up some more- ummm.. I spoke to guywhowillbreakusup …. And he asked about me moving to the uk this year.
Mr. messed up-uh hu.. uh hu.. so whatdidja tell him .. ?... baby .. ?.
Miss messed up some more - that I had to think about it, have to save up some money, I don’t think I could afford an education abroad right now..
Mr. messed up- wow… what are you trying to do to this relationship?..
Miss messed up some more - what ??!...
Mr.messed up- you have to ‘think’ about it .. I mean .. ‘Think’.. really.. ‘Think’.
Miss messed up some more - yes.. Paying for an edu abroad is a big deal.. I mean
Mr messed up- why don’t you just go ahead and marry the guy, I mean you are practically doing it with him.. huh.. why don’t you .?.. why don’t you?...!!. huh ??? huh???... tell me ?!
Miss messed up some more - wha?... because he is all the way in uk.. and its physically impossible.. but ..
Mr.messed up- ooooh .. so if he was here , you d be dry humping in his car .. yes?..
Miss.messed up some more - ok.. dry humping . is something you like to do… not me. And I would not hump him .. dry or wet .. and why the hell do you have to call it hump anyway .. I ve told you like a million times.. I hate that word..
Mr messed up- would you make tender sweet love in the car with him?
The above conversation unfortunately is a reality for most people. Reality being developed over years of bad relationship and bad experiences.
The simple dates, that we hoard up on... turn into the monstrosity we call relationships. As years pass by, and you give more and more of your self to these systems, your trust , sense of commitment and responsibility amalgamates into cynicism and regret.
I cannot recall meeting a single person who has been in more than one relationship and has the same outlook on how to go about dating as when the were virgins to the entire game. . The more people we engage in romantic associations with the more warped and negative we view committed relationships to be.
The brief beginnings of couplings have you giddy with joy and a general sense of optimism. When that subsides you have complicated layers, hidden agenda and discontentment. You fear what comes next because you’ve been trained to dread phase two. The phase where your eyes are wide open and you can’t deny the ugly bits. They are glaring and they are loud.
All your past endeavors instead of serving to be learning experiences become a bulletin board and checklist to assist the demise of yet another go at the game.
Phase two- small fights, arguments, general air of gloom, not replying back to texts and calls, ‘we need to talk’ talks, crying to your friends, listening to them tell you I told you so.
Phase two.. I think is your make or break phase.. you should milk this one. and milk it good. Go at each others throats with no holds barred. Don’t hold back. Attack .. but play by the rules. Be complelty honest , be fair. And don’t keep count. You survive phase two .. and you’ve pretty much got it.
Keeping the fact that we are all essentially messed up, and messed up like how. You have to give yourself a time out and take a good long hard look at patterns. Look for things you’ve done time and time again … the day I realized how badly I’ve been morphed into a cautious , short fused pessimist, was when I realized. I probably did a hell of a job on guys I’ve dated too.
Recall your arguments; recall the battles you let go. Recall snide comments that you meant to hurt. And realize how every line you delivered. Every little mind game you played, does not make the person any better.. But wires them for failed relationships tomorrow.
I’ve yet to realize a healthy relationship based on respect. A relationship where both people come to it clean and without baggage. Where both people come, without the need to jump to conclusions and are quick to pass judgment. Where your every move is not linked to a previous experience and played like a strategy game. Your reactions are not practiced, your love making not gauged by previous user feedback. Your romance fresh. I have yet to come across this. Maybe we are wired to being cautious, because we get our hearts broken so easily and readily. When we have put ourselves out there, we have been trampled by the usual ‘I don’t know yet.’, or ‘its too early for us.’, or ‘lets wait a while’.
How quantity is equaled to quality today I just don’t get. How does six years, make you realize you want to spend another six years with them. How is gut feeling equaled to years of being tentative about a relationship? Maybe all of us have different love modes; mine seems to be in full throttle. No matter who I’ve been with I have always been ‘madly’ in love. The kind Where you go into it naïve and feel every single pulsing emotion, makes you feel alive and yet wanting to end it all in drama never witnessed before. Feeling lows that you never thought you’d experience. Then again, this rapture and passion, has hardly served me well. Maybe I am meant to meet my match, the guy who is loud, obnoxiously happy and not afraid to be gut wrenchingly depressed. Someone who puts himself above and beyond the line, like I do. Someone who gives, exceeding the expected and norm. It will be a romance of drama, tragedy and might make a mighty good script for a cheesy mainstream B-grade chick flick(those are the best kind).
Maybe the next time, we meet someone, and your belly does a flip. Your head feels happy and light and you are floating on a cloud of seemingly unending happiness. Promise yourself you won’t bring your past to the table, and I mean really promise yourself that. Promise your partner, you are new and vulnerable and hope he is too. Life is so fleeting and passing to be apprehensive and cautious. Sometimes, you will meet the perfect person and they are clouded with their hurting past, they are morphed into being suspicious and distant. You can only give so much of yourself to such people. Your passion makes them distant. Your tears scare them. It is not their fault. It is ours, it is all of ours. We wire them to mess relationships up, for systematic breakdown of what could be the most meaningful event in all our lives.
The coming together of people devoid of shame, guilt, pre-conceived notions and unending capacity for love. Makes for healthier happier relationships and a better base for families. Happy homes.. happy people. so loosen up.. and try leaving behind everything. The past has nothing to offer in relationships. Don’t hold on. Let go. Bring on the tears and laughter. Let the drama unfold.